Category Archive

I hate graffiti.

Whether it’s some scumbag “tagging” anything that doesn’t move or some baseball capped hipster trying to make the Toon’s Metro looks like a New York subway.

I don’t care if they have talent. Even “good” graffiti is still horrible America-derived wannabe awfulness. The kind of thing that “wacky” people working in youth marketing think is cool

I don’t care if it fecking Banksy. What, it’s okay if it’s clever and middle class folks like it? Who draws that line?

So I really hate this.

Most of all I hate that fact that in this instance my usual instincts to rally against the hang ‘em and flog ‘em brigade deserts me. F*ck the little f*ckers.

I don’t believe this stuff is a cry for attention or a display from a frustrated artist looking for a break. I don’t believe it is any kind of protest at all.

Unfortunately, It’s just another moron.

* Kudos to new boys/girls Newcastlecentric who broke the story. Expect the local papers to catch up soon.

1 St James’ Park
Specifically the fact that it is in the centre of town. God botherer, BBC pundit and former Toon Star Gavin Peacock described it as being “up on the hill, in the centre of town – where the church should be.”

Gavin, you enjoy your church and I’ll worship at mine.

On match day, the whole city knows there is a game going on. That feels right. None of your out-of-town, flatpack, identikit, blando, modern grounds here.

2 The Ouseburn Square
There are various pubs that could have made this list but all the best ones are in stumbling distance of each other. It used to be a triangle, now it’s a square. The Free Trade wins for views and old style grubbiness, The Tyne for cosiness and friendliness, The Cluny for music and the arts and The Cumberland for outside drinking and ping pong played like you’ve never seen it before.

3. Tyneside Cinema
Our arthouse cinema has been on its holidays in the the ‘heed while its old home is done up. Excitingly it’s due to re-open in the Toon this Sunday. I’m not sure what to expect of the new look site but I think we’re still going to get velvet curtained loveliness. I just hope that fabulous street level coffee bar comes back too.

It was always one of the few places you could get a decent coffee without feeling like a corporate shmuck. Being surrounded by old Italian gadgeys reading foreign newspapers only added to the cosmopolitan feel.

Update: Tickets now on sale for first flurry of films in the new place.  Not exactly arthouse but I just booked two seats in the classic circle for the Indiana Jones flick. Can’t wait.

4. Hall 2 Sage Gateshead
Believe the hype. I tend to dislike places that other people harp on about just because I am awkward bastard but the Sage is breathtaking. It genuinely is. Absolutely awe inspiring (see my pic above). But the best bit is not the cavernously beautiful hall one, it’s the intimate hall two. The best place to watch music in Tyneside. Nah forget that – I can’t believe there is a better place in any city anywhere.

5. High Level Bridge
I could have gone for the iconic Tyne Bridge, the flash new Millennium Bridge but for me it’s the High Level every time. Solid, sturdy, unflashy and it suited Michael Caine a treat.

6. Civic Centre Rabbits
I like to think of them as our version of Ninja Mutant Hero Turtles. Fearless Urban Geordie Rabbits. The first time you see them you’re so surprised. Then eveytime you pass after that you can’t help but search for them.

They’re nearly always there. Brave little feckers. (Not to be confused with the Toon’s vampire rabbit)

7. Heaton Park/Jesmond Dene
Stretching from the comparatively mean streets of Heaton to the leafy suburbs of Jesmond – an absolutely gorgeous strip of green that really does make you feel like you’re deep in the heart of the country. In my early twenties I can recall getting very drunk with mates and deciding it would be fun to sleep on the rocks by the waterfall. Twenty minutes later we got spooked. Three hours later we were back in Heaton after incredibly getting lost walking home.

Oh and don’t miss the Shoe Tree.

8. The Metro to the Coast
Sun is shining? Head to the coast – you can be there in 15 minutes. The Metro is our tube, the only difference being is it’s actually pleasant to ride.

Old jowly tosspot Harry Redknapp reportedly said he didn’t want to manage Newcastle because he liked being by the coast. Look at a map dickhead.

9. The Monument
Speakers corners, meeting place and busker venue all rolled into one. The statue itself is pretty cool too but its just the space that really makes it work. It’s loved by Goths and office workers alike. The Christmas market is just too tasty. I am still losing the weight.

10 Baltic Viewing Platform
The art isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but I know there is always something there that I enjoy seeing. But the best bit is still the view over the river and its bridges. I could do without the nanny state glass screens but still – nice. Very nice.

Feel free to add to the list in the comment box.  I am a bit short on restaurants - any ideas?

Update: Quite by chance two other Toon bloggers have posted their favourite things.  Look here and here for tales of Tyne Gods and post boxes.

Here’s something a little unusual for a Sunday Evening.

Enchanted Parks has been taking place in Gateshead’s Saltwell Park and Leazes Park in Newcastle.

In short it’s a kind of haunting.  The parks, which seem more than a little spooky at night, are made all the more strange with the addition of sounds, lights, costumes and performers.

In Saltwell Park we were treated to bandstand waltzes, war time memories, ghostly beyond-the grave miners and a load of stuff that went whoosh..right over my head.

Was it any good?  Yes and no.  With the organisers requesting we got tickets first and being marched around the site it didn’t really live up to the preparation nor anticipation.

Before we knew it we were back in the car headed home.

But there is the nucleus of a tremendous idea in there.  Next year?  More, more, more.  More ghostliness, more music, more lights, more people, more drama.

I don’t to be stewarded around.  Let me wander.  Let me get spooked.  Let me discover details for myself. I want people to tap me on the shoulder and make me jump.  I want some of it to be uplifting too - a perhaps dash of Christmas. I want choirs.

All in all though, a fabulous concept.  I hope it’s back next year.  This is definitely something to build on.

Update: Found pics of the other Enchanted Park in Newcastle.  Taken by Allison Wonderland.  The shots below are mine.

Looks like we got very very scared of smoking very very quickly. Is there now a real chance that smoking featuring in a stage play might genuinely upset, or worse still, physically harm, an audience member?

For the record, in the end, as far as I could make out nobody actually did smoke in the play. Lots of people had them in their mouths but nobody lit up.

Ultimately they must have decided against it.

I await a play that will break new boundaries and push authorities to their limits. The signs will simply read: LIVE SMOKING - ON STAGE HERE.

Sleazy huh?

I got a shock when I was walking around town the other day.  What did they just do?

So I snapped it with my phone and I was about to write about how the Lego men of Newcastle’s Haymarket, and my blog banner, were being demolished.

But then it turns out they’re just taking a break.

While digging around and trying to follow the whole timeline of the less than popular sculptures, there was suggestions that they’d see out their days in Exhibition Park.  But apparently not. They’re coming back.

However, I was concerned that I had bestowed bad luck upon them.  Maybe their demolition, albeit temporary, is the Our Man blog curse.  Let’s hope Ho Chi Minh’s tomb and Conventino San Francisco fair better.

* Found the pic below while Googling around.  Yes everything does look better in black and white.  For non British people - it’s a football thing.  Pic found here.

Once more carrying on the theme of late night Skype chats about what is to be expected of Newcastle, it wasn’t so surprising that Greggs eventually came up in conversation.

For the uninitiated, wiki it and you get this info:

Greggs Plc is the largest specialist retail bakery chain in the United Kingdom. It is based in Newcastle upon Tyne, England and is quoted on the London Stock Exchange.

Put simply it sells all things pastry and the odd bit of bread too.

Everyone here in the North East takes Greggs for granted. It’s always been around. It’s where your first pasty came from and it’s never let you down when you’ve wanted some cheap stodge ever since.

But at some point it seemed to explode. Suddenly it wasn’t just in Newcastle but right across the UK. Also the dirty blue turquoise branding we had grown up with was replaced by a new swish orange and blue look.

This came with a Soup Nazi style queuing system that regularly proves its worth during hours of peak pie demand.

But anyway, in order to forward info to my Skype chatting friend, I Googled Greggs and the wiki explanation above came up. I kept on reading and noticed this nugget of information:

Actress and model Milla Jovovich is a well-known fan of the store and its pasties, and has gone on record to say she would be willing to become the “face of Greggs” in a new marketing campaign if the firm approached her, though no such approach has yet been made.

Now, as you know, I have been out of town a while so this is probably common knowledge I missed but…WOW.

Anyway, a little more searching and you find out who got her hooked:

Hollywood actress Milla Jovovich was introduced to the wonders of a Greggs bridie by her Geordie boyfriend, film director Paul Anderson. The star of the movie Resident Evil said: “I was told I hadn’t lived till I’d tried a Greggs pasty. I’ve just fallen in love with them.”

Elsewhere on the net there is talk of pie-loving-Milla becoming the official Greggs pastry-pusher but it appears never to have happened although she actually seems to be touting for the job. This is from Aussie paper, The Age:

Not for the first time, Milla Jovovich is dreamily endorsing the pleasures of stodgy British fast food. Recalling regular visits to the UK with her boyfriend, Geordie fi lm director Paul Anderson, the preternaturally beautiful Ukranian actress and model swoons about the appeal of a Greggs cheese-and-onion pasty.

“Whenever I’m there, the first thing I do is buy one. Oh my God, I love them. I have often said I would be the face of Greggs,” she says, “but they haven’t approached me yet.” Note to the pasty promotions staff: sort yourselves out. Who wouldn’t love to see the exotic Jovovich with her bankable mouth wrapped round a steaming pasty?

Well for someone who otherwise has never quite understood the concept of food porn there is an image that does it for me entirely. But the journo is right, Greggs haven’t bitten. One quick look at the website sees it sadly Jovovich-free.

Personally I relish the opportunity to blame my descent into complete obesity on Miss Mila and her persuasive pie pedaling.

For the record the pic above is from flickerererer Southern_Comfort who is not alone as a serial Greggs snapper. He’s part of Greggs Pool that has 37 members including blue me who made this work of genius.

Elsewhere a quick trawl on Facebook finds the Greggs Appreciation Society

Greggs, we salute you.

Not sure what to make of this?

Can’t work out whether the name and tagline are tongue in cheek, ironic or scarily serious.

Contemporary grooming rituals created for the modern man

Hmmmm.

I guess they must have customers but I can’t imagine anyone being able to go through the front door without either being unable to keep a straight face or being absolutely petrified. It’s also situated in Gosforth, which although quite posh, doesn’t normally have this kind of vibe. Now in Jesmond, well maybe.

Seeing this place, and wondering who goes there, reminded me of a recent conversation with a fellow thirtysomething here in Newcastle. He works at a call centre with lots of bright young things. I didn’t ask how it came up in conversation but he reckons that most of his male young colleagues admit to shaving/waxing their pubic hair.

I was shocked. The gay guys’ penchant for “back, sack and crack” I had heard of but is this now widespread?

Really?

It appears that maybe contemporary alpha males do groom more than I thought. Or at least young ones do.

I’ve never felt so glad to be an aging beta.